Invader Zim Vs. The Terrible Trio
By Sailor Nutbunny
Disclaimers and Notes: I have no legal rights to Invader Zim or any characters thereof. I have only limited rights to the characters of Molly/ Sailor V.G.O.S.M. and Sara/ Sailor Nonsequitor, as they are based on real people. I have full and exclusive rights to the character of Lauren/ Sailor Nutbunny, as she is me. Any trademarked items and concepts mentioned in the following fanfic are owned by their respective owners. Duh.
The following story is a work of fiction, specifically fanfiction, and a fairly ridiculous one at that. It is rated G. (No swearing or "adult" material. Mild cartoonish and silly violence.) Characters are written as accurately as possible. If you wish to comment on the story, email me at ophelialr@ hotmail.com. If you wish to know more about the original characters, profiles can be viewed at www.angelfire.com/anime2/weirdrealm. If you insult me or attempt to pass off my work as yours, I will whack you upside the head with a halibut. Thank you, and enjoy.
It was a moderately warm fall day, but Zim, mighty Irken invader, had other things on his mind than the weather. He made a few adjustment on small piece of hi-tech gadgetry before him, and began laughing triumphantly. Finishing his obligatory evil laugh, he called out to his feeble minded mechanical assistant. "G.I.R!" The small robot scurried up, saluted, and answered cheerfully, "Hellooo."
"Do you know what this is, G.I.R?" Zim queried, indicating his latest piece of Irken scientific genius.
G.I.R. thought hard. And then thought a bit more, finally replying, "Nooo."
"This, G.I.R. is an advanced security module, designed to enhance your original security functions. With this, you will be able to defend our stronghold from any threat."
"Oooh." A brief pause. "I'm gonna go watch TV now."
"G.I.R! I have to install the security module, and then, you must go outside and watch for intruders while I work on my plan to conquer the Earth."
"Oh, okay. Then can I watch TV?"
Meanwhile, nearby, three teenage girls were wandering purposelessly. The smallest of the three, with rectangular glasses, short red hair, a blue backpack (reflective for traffic safety), a beige corduroy jacket, a baggy Phantom of the Opera T-shirt, loose fitting blue jeans, and red canvas high topped sneakers, slurped merrily at a cherry-cola. The tallest, in a long sleeved shirt printed with an image of Buddha and jeans with dragonflies on the pockets, her long blond hair pulled into a ponytail, carried a McDonald's Triple Thick Milkshake and a rainbow-striped purse (lovingly made in Home Ec). The third, of medium height, with dark brown hair, a zebra print bag, and an Eddie Bauer sweater, clutched a bottle of Diet Pepsi.
The brunette, Molly, spoke. "Are you sure we're not lost?"
The short red head, Lauren, shook her head firmly. "I have an excellent sense of which direction home is."
"Where is it then?" Sara, the third girl, asked. Lauren pointed in a direction forward and slightly to the left. The other two nodded and continued on.
After walking for a few minutes in silence, Lauren suddenly piped up, "You know something? The name "Triple Thick Milkshake" doesn't seem right. I mean, is there a certain standard for milkshake thickness?"
Sara responded, "I think they're just trying to say it's really thick. Like, too thick to suck through a straw." A brief pause. "I can suck it through a straw okay, though." The trio paused as Lauren and Molly stared at Sara in mild befuddlement.
"I don't think the grammar is right though," continued Lauren, diving back into a pointless rant, "I mean, I'm pretty sure "triple" is an adjective, or it seems like it should be, but "thick" is an adjective, and you can't have an adjective modifying an adjective, so "triple thick" sounds to me like it's both triple and thick, but that doesn't make any sense at all." She gazed at her companions forlornly. "I'm losing my mind, aren't I?"
Molly patted the smaller girl on the head. "You lost that a long time ago."
"Shut up, you." Lauren responded eloquently.
"Green puppy with a slurpy!" Sara said suddenly. The other two pause for a moment, as this was the best response to Sara's strange comments, giving them time to sort themselves into some semblance of sense. Finally, Lauren made the only response possible.
"Over there. It's a green puppy with a slurpy." Lauren and Molly looked across the street, where Sara was pointing, and sure enough there stood a puppy. Which was in fact, green. And was indeed holding a slurpy. Molly assessed the situation quickly.
Lauren hopped slightly. "Let's go play with it!"
G.I.R. saw the three rushing across the street, finished his slurpy, and smiled. Maybe they had cake.
Zim was working industriously on his latest, and most spectacular plan to bring certain doom to the planet (and particularly Dib) when he heard strange noises from outside. After a few minutes of listening, during which time the sounds neither stopped nor changed to the sounds of an intruder being driven away in terror, he decided to investigate. Traveling quickly to the upper levels of his "house" and donning his human disguise, the stalwart Irken opened the door.
And saw G.I.R. covered in sticky bubbles. And chalk drawings on the sidewalk. And three strange girls in the yard.
"G.I.R! What are you doing?"
"What about the security module?"
"I took it out."
"To make room for the fudge," G.I.R. stated matter-of-factly, simultaneously produce said fudge.
At this Lauren turned to the conversation. "What kind of fudge?" she asked expectantly.
"Peanut butter. Want some?" At this Lauren was almost overcome with joy, hopping cheerfully on her toes while nibbling on a piece of fudge.
Zim decided he had had enough. "G.I.R! Prepare for battle!" The "green puppy" began twirling and waving its arm dramatically. And then stopped and unzipped its costume to reveal the robot inside.
"Aww, cute robot!" Molly said, patting it on the head.
After a few seconds had passed, Zim shouted, "G.I.R! Attack them!"
The little robot, turned, confused. "What?"
"The intruders! Attack them!"
"But they're nice. They brought toys." G.I.R replied, plaintively.
"Attack! Go!" G.I.R. strode purposefully towards the trio. As he reached them, he stopped, turned to look at Zim, then up at the girls, then back at Zim. Finally, he wrapped his metallic arms around Lauren's leg. "They're nice. I like them."
"Awwwww!" All three girls bent to hug G.I.R, in the process carefully detaching him from Lauren, who appreciated the gesture, but appreciated the use of her leg a bit more.
"Very well. I will deal with them myself!" Zim stated, shedding his human disguise and laughing maniacally. "Let's see how you like my Irken Doom Ray!"
Before Zim could set his ray to fire, Lauren pulled out a pen with plastic rabbit head on the end, yelling "Nutbunny Fanfic Power, Make-Up!" as colorful sparkles swirled around her, fading to reveal her standing in a chartreuse sailor suit, with a sloppily tied blue bow, red high-top sneakers and gigantic floppy bunny ears. She posed and called out, "Do you think you can out weird me? I get weirder things than you in my breakfast cereal! I am Sailor Nutbunny, defender of weirdness, and in the name of Cherry-cola and peanutbutter fudge, I mock your doom ray!"
As Zim attempted to process this, Molly held up a sock monkey key chain and shouted, "Vishnu Silly Monkey Power, Make-up!" A similar scene followed, the main difference being that Molly's sailor suit was a purplish-red, with dark-but-not-quite-black bows. "For kitties, kilts, and diet cola, I am Sailor Vishnu-Goddess-of-Silly-Monkeys. (generally abbreviated to Sailor V.G.O.S.M.)" "Oookay," Zim said, " if your done..."
"Wait!" Sara called out. "I can't find...oh, there it is." She pulled a pink colored pencil from her purse and held it up. "Nonsequitor Random Power, Make-up!" Her sailor suit was pink with lavender bows. "I am Sailor Nonsequitor. Moooo!"
Everyone turned to look at her, confusion clear on their faces. "It seemed like a good idea at the time," she shrugged.
"Enough foolishness!" shouted the angry Irken, readying his Doom Ray. He fired at Nutbunny, who dodged smoothly, but lost something of the dramatic effect when she tripped and fell. "Ow," she said, rising to her feet. "Nutbunny Fanfic Obsession!" Suddenly Zim was surrounded by hundreds of pages of notebook paper covered with barely-legible handwriting.
"I can't move!!!" The diminutive invader flailed wildly to free himself from the pages. When he was loose, he turned his Ray on Sailor V.G.O.S.M. Unfortunately, a page of fanfiction was lodged in the barrel, and it shorted, zapping him. As he tried to clear the paper out, V.G.O.S.M. launched her attack.
"Vishnu Silly Monkey Attack!" From out of nowhere a horde of small, insanely cute pink monkeys appeared, swarmed all over Zim, tap-danced, and vanished. Zim rose dizzily, shook his head and aimed his Doom Ray more-or-less in the direction of Sailor Nonsequitor. He missed the tall girl, but hit Nutbunny's abandoned backpack.
"Nooooo!" the rabbit-eared warrior of weirdness shouted, running to her stricken bag's side. She began rummaging through, emerging finally with a plastic vial, now half-empty of its greenish contents. "You spilled my bubbles! Those are special bubbles! They dry and you can touch them and they don't pop!" Zim saw the rage mounting in the small red-head's eyes, and thought it might be best to retreat. Before he got more than a few steps, however, the tall blonde called out, "Nonsequitor Uncomfortable Stencil Pose!" The attack froze Zim with one leg turned sort-of sideways and bent up at the knee, and one arm raised and bent at the elbow as if waving. Nutbunny advanced on him, brandishing a halibut. "Nooo!" he cried out as the large flatfish struck him, sending him flying through a window.
G.I.R. turned and began to run into the house, a concerned look on his metal face. As he reached the door, he turned, smiled, and waved. "Bye-bye!"
The three girls, now returned to their civilian garb, waved back.
The girls walked homeward in the fading light of evening. Suddenly, Molly spoke.
"That was really weird."
"So? What did you expect?"
"Swenson's!" Sara called out unexpectedly. The other two looked, and sure enough, there was the drive-in, not far from Lauren's house.
"Told you I knew where home was. Hey, let's get some food, I'm hungry."