Dib's Vacation

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Chapter One

Sunday Morning; 8:30: Zim's House


"Yes Sir!" The little robot's eyes turned red for a fleeting moment in contrast to their usual blue color. He jumped up from his previous position in front of the TV and saluted Zim. In an instant his eyes became blue again, and Gir stared comically around the room. Zim narrowed his eyes at him.

"Pay attention, Gir! This is very important! I want you to do something for me…it will take a lot of skill and reconnaissance expertise…although I'll just have to make due with what I have at my disposal…" Zim gazed down in Gir's direction disapprovingly, "…sometimes I doubt the Almighty Tallest's judgment…ACK! I must not think like this! They trusted me with advanced technology, I should be…grateful…my mission goo….yess, my GOO!" As Zim gazed once again in the little robot's direction, Gir put on his dog suit and rolled on the floor. Zim sighed and picked up the robot and tucked him under his arm. He brought him down to the viewing room with all of the TVs and put in a CD disk in the VCR.

"Ooh, are we gonna watch a mooovie?" Gir asked happily.

"NO, Gir, we are NOT going to watch a movie…we are going to plan our next move against the menace known as Dib!" Zim's voice dripped with hatred as he said the name of his enemy out loud.

"You mean the big - headed ninja guy?" Gir asked. He jumped around the room insanely, kicking over some of the TVs.

"Ooohh…..STOP IT!! I am going to brief you for a highly important mission!" Zim said angrily.

"Aww…Ok!" Gir said as he sat down in the chair and stared at the TV. An aerial video of a human household jumped on the screen.

"This, Gir, is the home of the ENEMY!" Zim said loudly so as to penetrate the robot's overly thick skull, "Soon enough you will know it all too well. For you are going to infiltrate it and give me all information on that pitiful human stinkbeast and his…family…that you find! I want you to enter and exit unnoticed and full of information! I will be waiting in the Voot Cruiser in his backyard for your return. THE STAKEOUT STARTS AT 8:00!!"

"…..I like steak….."

Sunday Night; 7:30: Dib's House

Dib sat at the TV, watching a previous episode of Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery he had on his tape. His gothic sister Gaz sat on the couch with her Game Slave 2, playing Vampire Piggy Hunter, mashing the buttons like there was no tomorrow. As the taped episode ended, Dib stood up.

"One day Zim, ONE day, I'll reveal you for who, and WHAT you are…and until that day, I will try to make your life as miserable as possible, every day, every hour I can, until I succeed! I will - "

"Shut UP Dib, I MUST beat this GAME! If I do NOT beat this game, I will be forced to HURT you IMMENSLY! You GOT THAT? HUH?" By this time, Gaz had turned into her extremely annoyed mode and Dib was shrinking away, silently nodding his head in agreement as he pressed a couple buttons on the VCR, wanting to watch another episode. After he had done so, he had gotten all riled up again, and started ranting about Zim again.

"Just you wait, Zim, just when you think you're safe, just when you turn your back on me, I'm going to - "

"Go on a vacation!"

"WHAT???" Dib and Gaz said at the same time. Professor Membrane had walked in at just the right time to intervene in Dib's Zim rant and to stop Gaz from killing him, which is precisely what she was going to do.

"Yes," Professor Membrane said, "we are going on a vacation! To Hawaii! I have saved up the time off for years to get to go on a vacation! Come now, get your stuff ready, we leave tomorrow after school!" With that, Professor Membrane left the room and Dib and Gaz looked at each other in horror.

"NO! If I leave, Zim will surely take over the city in my absence! ARGH!"

"NO! If I leave….wait, what do I have against a vacation? I guess I'll just pack now." Gaz took her Game Slave, and put it into her very large carrying case filled with all her games. "There, I'm done." She picked up her carrying case like it was a piece of luggage and brought it to her room. Dib shook his head.

"Weirdo…" Said Dib as he left the room. In all of their excitement, indifference and extreme terror, they had failed to notice the hard-to-fail-to-notice robot stuck onto their window. He squealed with glee, detached himself from the window and ran to the back of the house.

When he reached the concealed Voot Cruiser, Zim stepped eagerly out of it and talked to him, "Well, what did you find!"

"Um…well…there's a lamp that looks like the happy professor guy, and a big TV, and…" Gir said, trying to recall anything that he had seen through the window.

"But surely you went to OTHER rooms except the…main…thingy…room??" Zim asked, obviously annoyed.

"Um…no? I looked through the window! Nobody noticed me thooo…" Gir looked at the ground as if this was a bad thing. Zim looked ready to knock his head off.

"AAARRRGGGG!!!! Well, if you DIDN'T go in, did you at least LISTEN to what they were saying??"

"OH YEAH! I remembeeer!" Gir's head opened, and a speaker came out of the top, playing back the earlier events. Zim's eyes lit up with excitement.

"YES! With the Dib creature gone, I can do as I please without having him in my way! FREEDOM!" Zim jumped around in glee and Gir started doing the Macarena. Zim stopped and looked at Gir, "Where did you learn THAT?"

"MUUUSIC VIDEOOOOS!!" Gir said very loudly. Zim covered his mouth and tossed him back into the Voot cruiser. It rose up into the sky, and flew back to Zim's house.

Unfortunately for Zim, Gir wasn't the only spy that night. Dib had gone out for some fresh air after the news of their vacation, and so overheard Zim and his reaction to the news. When they were gone, he started talking to himself:

"Oh, I'll get you alright…don't doubt it…if I can't be here to stop you, then I'll BRING YOU WITH MEEEE! I already have a plan, Zim…a plan for your doom…"

Chapter Two

The next day was a school day, to everyone's chagrin. Their extremely doom-obsessed teacher, Mrs. Bitters, was having a bad day that day, which meant an extremely bad day for the students. At the bell, she scratched her fingernails across the board to get them into their seats.

"Class, I am handing out some tinfoil. On my cue, you will chew, chew until recess. Start in thirty seconds. TWENTY NINE….TWENTY EIGHT…"

"Um Miss Bitters? I have a couple of questions…" Dib said.

"You have 25 seconds. Go."

"Well, I'm going to Hawaii after school, and I'll be gone for a while…"

"Good. Leave."

"Um….and…what does this have to do with school?" Dib asked innocently. Miss Bitters' eyes shone red, as she hissed one simple word:

"DISCIPLINE." Dib gulped as she continued counting, "THREE. TWO. ONE. GO NOW. CHEEEW!" The sound of discomfort and screeching resounded through the room. All except for Zim were writhing in pain. Zim seemed to like it. Miss Bitters looked at him with an icy glare.

"ZIM! Why aren't you WRITHING with the REST of your classmates???" She asked, grinding her teeth together.

"I *munch* like it!" Zim said with a mouth full of tin foil.

"YOU *LIKE* IT??? Well, class, you can thank ZIM for this… his insolence brought this upon you…" She got out a bunch of clamps from who knows where and put them on everybody's mouths, "Now you CAN'T stop chewing until school is OVER. AND, because of ZIM, I'm making class ONE HOUR LONGER THAN USUAL."

Everyone looked at Zim with a combination of sore jaws and anger. Zim suddenly realized that he was NOT acting human, and started fake writhing in pain. Miss Bitters seemed satisfied. "Hmmm…..instead of an hour longer, Zim, how about thirty minutes? I'm feeling exhausted…" She fainted suddenly, and Dib ran up to her desk and grabbed a remote control like device. He pushed a button and their clamps fell off. Everyone sighed with relief.

The class left school early that day. Not wanting to stay another minute with the woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed Miss Bitters, they high-tailed it home. All except Dib and Zim. They stayed on the blacktop.

"So, aliens like tin foil, huh? Well, that's DEFINITELY not a human quality…" Dib smiled evilly, or at least what he could make of a smile with his sore jaw. Zim looked smugly at him.

"Another lesson learned. I WILL overcome this planet, Dib, no mistake. Soon, the Armad - " Zim stopped what he was saying, realizing that he was about to reveal information about the Irken race to his worst enemy. He decided that the littler he knew, the easier he would be to destroy…Dib was listening intently, of course, and was very interested…

"Armad? Armad……a?" Zim flinched, "So, the Armada? Is that some kind of big ship? MWA HA HA! More slips like THAT Zim, and I'll practically know ALL about your race…what is it again?"

"Irken race - DANG!"

"YESSSS! The "Irken" race…heh…I'll defeat you yet, Zim!" Dib departed and headed for home. So did Zim. The thing is, right after Zim was out of sight, Dib set out after him. He silently cursed himself for not coming up with a better idea. "How ironic. My worst enemy is going to be hundreds of miles away from me, and I want to take him with me." He made a sound of disapproval, and continued on towards Zim's very un-human looking house.

When he got there, he hid behind the fence, so that the lawn gnomes wouldn't see him. Then he got out his stuffed alien. It was from when he was a little boy, and he had kept it ever since. He thought that this was as good a use as any. He tossed it.

The effect was instantaneous. The gnomes all chased after it, and Dib somersaulted behind them. He jumped through the door, and hid behind the couch, just in time to see Zim rush passed him and toward the lawn. When Zim came back in, he was holding Dib's alien doll, a look of pure hatred on his face.

"Alright, DIB, come out of your hiding place. I know you're here. Just give up now, and I MIGHT not destroy you." Zim started glancing around to see if Dib was anywhere to be seen, then he took out his heat-seeking goggles and put them on.

Dib realized that now would be a good time to leave. As Zim was putting them on, Dib ran silently into the kitchen. He grabbed his tools and got to work.

Zim however, was thinking that maybe he was going crazy. Probably someone had tossed it away, and it wasn't Dib who was in his house, if there was anyone at all. He took off his disguise, and decided what to do next.

"GIR! Come to the TV room!"


"I want you to give me a full status report on the house. Tell me if there is ANY living huuumans in here."

"Yes SIR, right away!" Gir stared around the room and in about three seconds he said, "No!"


"Oooohhh….!" Gir once again looked around, and saw what he was looking for. "The Ninja Guy is in da kitchen! YAY!"

"WHAT??? NOOOO!!!! DIIB! GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!" Zim walked into the kitchen to see Dib standing there smugly. "Well well….you look happy about SOMETHING…….what might YOU be happy about?"

"Well, ZIM, I believe that you've caught me. Take me away now. I lost, you won."

"Do YOU expect me to believe THAT? You are too PERSISTANT and ANNOYING to just give up like that!!!! What's going on here, DIB?" Zim walked toward him cautiously, not wanting to have any unsuspected traps spring on him at any moment.

Just then, Gir walked in carrying a slush-y and sucking at it like crazy. He saw the "Ninja Guy" and smiled insanely. He started kicking everything in sight, including the refrigerator, which collapsed on top of Zim, knocking him out.

"Well, that's not exactly the kind of plan I had in mind, but…thanks! Hehe!" He directed the last word to Gir, as he picked up his slush-y and walked away. Dib doubled back and tried to splash the slush-y into Gir's face, but it was chocolate bubblegum. It was too hard. He just hurt his hand.

"EE HEE HEE!" Gir squealed as he offered his slush-y to Dib, who declined and ran over to Zim. Dib dropped his "alien-trapping-net" on top of him, and carried him to his house.

Chapter Three

"Well well! What've you got there, son?"

"It's an alien, dad, and he's trying to take over the WORLD!"

"Okay, you run along then!"

Dib brought the unconscious Zim into his bedroom, and prepared to initiate -

"PHAAAASE - wait…what was I going to do? Oh yeah! PHAAAASE TWOOOOOO!!!" He took out a very large duffle bag and stuffed Zim inside of it. Gaz walked in the door and stared at him.

"What are you doing…?" Dib looked up sharply and attempted to hide Zim from Gaz. Fat chance. "Dib, if you want to take your friend Zim, you probably should just ask, not attempt to hide him in our luggage…..sheesh…..and I thought you hated him?"


"Hey, I'm not the one trying to smuggle a kid on our vacation, YOU are…..besides. If I was going to insult you, I would do it so bad it would hurt!" Gaz slammed the door, leaving Dib alone with his unconscious enemy. Right then, he slowly realized what the problems were in his plan. He silently wished that he could just take Zim back, but no. He had to save Earth.

"Alright, kids, let's go!" Professor Membrane called from the front door, "I'm leaving!" Dib and Gaz headed for the door, Dib dragging his unusually large luggage.

When they reached the airport, one of the flaws in Dib's plan came into action. Zim was slipping back into conscience. As he did so, he rustled ever so slightly, and Dib felt it. He started to panic. With Zim in his luggage, he - wait, Zim didn't have his disguise on! Dib kept walking toward the counter, and decided that it would be better if he took the "Zim" luggage onto the plane as a carry on. The duffle bag was stuffed, but Zim AND the bag were small enough to pass as a carry on, so they let him pass. When they got to the metal detectors, however, ANOTHER flaw went into place.

"Excuse me *nerk* young man, we need to *gaaak* take that luggage and put it through the *ukkk* x-ray machine." The man previously seen selling Game Slave 2s at the mall said.


"Sir, we NEED to put it through the *ACK* machine!" He grabbed the bag, and put it through. At that moment, Zim woke up.

"Wha - AAAAAAAA!!! WHAT IS GOING ON????" The duffle bag yelled, and it hopped over, and into the machine. An x-ray of an extremely miffed Irken passed through the screen, and then the guy handed Dib his luggage.

"Here you go, sir!" Dib stared with wide eyes at the seemingly incompetent man, and then grabbed the bag, and turned and fled.

"mmDIB! Get mmme out of this b-bag!" Zim yelled from his fabricky jail cell. He jerked around, and suddenly came loose. The bag zipped open, the crowd gazed, and what they saw was……..a perfectly human worm baby. Dib stared too, one of pure horror.

"Always….keep a spare." Zim whispered to Dib as he walked along. "I don't know where we're going, but when we get there, you will be very...very….sorry….I wont do it here, there's too many people…"

Zim's icy glare froze Dib in his tracks, but he kept moving. When they caught sight of Gaz and Professor Membrane, Zim disappeared. Dib ran up to them.


"Now now, we're on a VACATION!!! Try not to get upset! Our plane has arrived!"

Professor Membrane took them to the gate and they boarded the plane. Once on, they realized that they had the absolute tail end of the ship, and Dib was feeling uncomfortable. After all, they were on a plane, a very angry Irken was following them, and was most likely on the plane right then, and…he didn't want to think about it. When they took off, Dib suddenly remembered that taking off on planes made him sick. He walked to the bathroom, and the sign said "vacant". He opened the door.

"Well well well…look who we have here!" Zim was standing on the toilet, addressing him with an authoritative manner. "This…air…vehicle…is very primitive. I'm surprised you haven't gone to a different - "

"That's it Zim! You will get OFF that toilet and get OFF of this plane, or I'm…gonna…heh…" Dib stuttered as he realized that he had absolutely no plan. Zim jumped down and grabbed him by the collar. He aimed his head at the toilet.

"What, are you planning to give me an "Air Swirly" or something??"

"No, DIB, I'm planning to flush you INTO YOUR ATMOSPHERE!!!"

"AAAAAA!!!…..wait…..that hole isn't big enough for my head to go through!!!"

"…..true…..well, we'll just have to FORCE you through then!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!" Zim thrusted his head at the toilet, with Dib forcefully resisting. Suddenly the door opened, and Dib realized that they hadn't changed the "vacant" sign to "occupied". A man stepped in, looked around, and then, with wide eyes, slowly backed out of the door. This gave Dib the time to get out of Zim's grasp and race past him. He went into the kitchen at the back, knocking flight attendants everywhere with Zim in close pursuit.

"Get back here you pitiful EARTH baby!" Dib jumped down into the cargo hold and hid behind the luggage. Zim walked slowly around, looking for Dib in the mass of luggage. "Come out, Dib…you can't hide forever…" Just then, they went into some turbulence. They both toppled over, and were knocked out cold.

They woke up to the sound of screeching metal and turning gears. It felt as if the ground was opening up below them. It was. They were about to land, and they were right on top of the landing gear. They each grabbed a leg, and stared evilly at each other.

"Well well, Zim…it looks as if I'll finally win this war!!"

"Foolish human, if you die, so do I!"

"That's not what I was talking about…" Dib said with a sly grin. He pointed down. Zim looked, and with wide eyes, saw what Dib was talking about. Zim saw………..the ocean.

Chapter Four

Zim fell. Dib snickered and, with a leap, climbed back into the cargo hold, now laughing hysterically. He didn't even bother to watch, as Zim plummeted to the ocean, averted his gaze as a little robot came out of nowhere, and just plain didn't see Zim barely miss the water by inches as Gir plucked him out of the air, and flew off, squealing like an insane…um….robot. Yeah.

No, Dib didn't see any of that. What he did see however, were -

"FREE PEANUTS! MWA HA HA HA HA!" The flight attendant screamed as Dib ate all the peanuts. Everyone stared. "Heh, heh….oops.…."

At this very moment, Zim was headed towards Maui, held up from his death by a hyperactive little robot. He was panting furiously after his fall, and looked up at Gir with astonishment.

"Gir? How did you DO that? You never obey me?? And how did you know I was falling, anyway??"

"IIII'M SUUUUPERMAAAAAAN!!!!" Gir squealed simply, and Zim sighed. He had to figure out how these…Hawaii-stink-people would act, and what they would wear.

"Gir! Use your scanning technology to find out what is "normal" for those Earth-creatures down there!"

"YES SIR!" Gir started looking around, and when he was done, he suddenly took a huge dive and went straight at the island from above!



When they were almost going to hit, Gir pulled up and gently set Zim down. Gir started dancing, and Zim woozily picked himself up off the ground, exhausted from falling - twice.

"Well? What did you learn, Gir?" Gir opened his head, and pulled out a very "touristy-like" shirt, and some jean shorts. He then pulled out some sunglasses, and a straw hat.

"Here! This is what the nice humans wear!" He handed the items to Zim, who put them on in disgust. "Oh, I almost forgot! There's something else!"


"Um…I don't know where it is…..?"

"ARG! Well, what is it?"

"It's a…it's a…I forgot."

"YOU FORGOT??? This is IMPERATIVE that I blend in with the huuumans on this filthy little island! You MUST remember!"

"Um….remember what, master?"

"The thing you were going to give me!"

"What thing?"

I think that this would be a good time to see how Dib is doing…they'll be at it for a while…

Dib was sitting in a rental van, driving towards the hotel they would be staying in. He was feeling very smug, and happier than he'd ever been before. Gaz was sitting next to him in the back seat, playing her Game Slave 2.

"You should've SEEN it, Gaz!! He just went plummeting to his death, just like that! All it took was a little waaaater, and he freaked! MWA HA HA! I HAVE SAAAAVED THE PLANET!"

"Shut UP Dib, I REALLY don't have time for your GAMES right now!! I WILL beat this level, and if I don't, you WILL leave this car without a HEAD!!"

"Um…hehehe….never mind…"

After they unpacked in their hotel, they went to check out the beach. Dib had a desire to jump in the water. They set up lawn chairs, and Dib was getting ready to jump in, when he turned pail. He stared at a tourist walking down the beach, with a straw hat, a brightly colored t-shirt, and jean shorts….oh yeah, and a camera around his neck. He was also holding a bag, that almost looked like it's contents were moving. Dib stared at him, and noticed his green complexion, and the evil look on his face. Dib saw through that disguise, and knew that somehow, his foolproof plan hadn't worked.

"Well Dib, we meet again. As you can see, I have come fully equipped with a disguise that would fool anyone, even a Hawaii-thing-human. HAHA! You failed, Dib, you failed. That was a good plan you had, tossing me into a vast ocean of the one substance…other than bologna…that I know of that harms me! What is it, water? Yess….I commend you on your tactics. Unfortunately, you didn't account for the loyalty of my robot, however misguided. You have failed, Dib, and now, I will succeed. Goodbye, Dib. It was horrible knowing you."

Chapter Five

Dib quailed. He turned white, as he looked at the Irken's face, all…evil and…stuff. As he backed away, many people on the beach started staring, and Zim looked around him, accusingly.

"Well? What are you all staring at???" a man walked up to him, and started addressing him in a very stereotypically Hawaiian surfer attitude.

"Hey, man, are you gonna pick a fight with him? That is waaay uncool, dude. Totally." Zim looked at him, and then at Dib.

"No, I was just…playing a game…duuuude….yes. A game. HAHA!" Zim was sweating now, and everyone was staring.

"I don't buy it dude…..ya know, we don't LIKE fighting on our beach, man…" Many choruses of "yeah!" and "throw 'em out!" rang from the crowds. Zim looked very annoyed.

"It was him that was going to fight ME you stupid Human STINKBEAST!!!!" The man's eyes squinted and he got VERY angry.

"Look, man, I don't know what you just said, but it sounded TOTALLY like an insult. WHATTA YOU SAY, GUYS? SHOULD WE KICK 'EM BOTH OUT??" Everyone agreed. Another man jumped out of the crowd, and may the reader recognize him as the cop from "Walk of Doom" and "Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain".

"GET 'EM!" The chase was on. Zim and Dib ran down the beach and then up into the city with an angry mob in hot pursuit. Zim and Dib looked at each other with pure hatred as they ran, but when they saw the building blocking their way in front of them, they knew that they would have to put aside their differences.

"Well well, Dib, it looks like we'll have to stop running and get past this pitiful human building…I'll crack the keypad code on this door, while you distract the mob!" Dib nodded and ran out into the open, right in front of the mob. They grabbed him. Zim cracked the code. Zim walked inside…and closed the door.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Dib yelled as he saw the door close. He struggled free, but was surrounded. He jumped, and started running on top of everyone's heads. There were enough people crowded around the building, that he could jump and grab a hold of a window. He climbed in, and made his way to the other side of the building, just in time to look out an open window and see Zim coming out of the back door. Dib jumped.

He fell straight on top of Zim, and pinned him down. "How dare you leave me to that mob of idiots, when I distracted them for you?"

"Well, I'm evil! HAHA!" Zim kicked out, and ran further into the city. Dib followed,

"You won't get away this time, Zim!" He chased him all through the city, until Dib slammed straight into something. It was Zim! Zim had stopped because he had run into something too, his Voot Cruiser. Gir poked his head out and said:

"I'm baaack! And I got the Cruiser!"

"GIR! We must get out of here quickly before any of these humans see us!" He jumped in the cruiser, and delivered one last message to Dib. "See ya, Dib! Don't worry, I'll take good care of the city while you're gone….MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Dib looked angrily at the ship as it flew away, back towards the mainland.

When Dib made it back to his hotel, to his surprise, Gaz was packing.

"Gaz? What's going on??" Just then Professor Membrane walked in.

"One of my assistants accidentally jumped the process of one of his experiments up to almost the crucial point of when I need to be there, and that point is at 3:00 tomorrow morning! I must get back! That's why we're going. Now go run along and pack!" Dib stared, until what he said finally registered. He smiled, and then walked into his room and packed.

"Just you wait Zim. I'll be back by tonight to stop your evil deeds! Your free time in the city is LIMITED, Zim, do you hear me?? LIMITED!!! And - "

"SHUT UP!!!!!"

The End. . .