Quoth the alien by Cari

Upon his desk Zim formed a pool with tears of boredom and unnoticed drool. Mrs. Bitters, she spoke, but words he heard not; instead he heard babble and meaningless rot. Across the room Dib looked at Zim with the look called ‘glare’; this evil death-look called glare. He turned and glared back at him, this alien named Zim. Mrs. Bitters doth note their indifference and quoth, “ARE YOU LISTENING!” Zim wasn’t, so he merely replied, “ Yes, yes that’s fascinating.” Presently, with some pens, Keef began to drum. Annoying it was, so someone named Nny broke Keef’s thumbs. The clock ticked slowly and all were filled with bore. Quoth the alien, “Nevermore.”

It finally rang, the goddamn bell. Thus ended a day of boring hell. But hell did not end, for it began to rain. And as all Irkens know, rain means much pain. Zim was unable to leave the Skool, the place of boring hell. As he realized this he muttered, “My day has not gone well” Zim tried to get back inside to obtain some paste, but the custodian had already locked the door.

“ I can’t wait all day here, that would be a waste! I know, I’ll call Gir! I shall be out of here in a jiffy and a whirr. But how to keep the rain from touching my head? Perhaps he should pilot the Voot runner instead. But can I trust Gir not to crash my ship? I’ll have to take the chance, although it could fall into the wrong hands (such as Dib the Dip.) Of course, Gir was not at home; he was partyin’ at a club dubbed simply “The Dome” He was drinking Chocolate-bubblegum slush-os and having a good time. And he wouldn’t be home soon, for the night was still in its prime. ; )

So into the night it rained and Zim remained at the Skool. He still couldn’t believe he forgot to bathe in paste; “I’m such a fool.” It continued to rain, rain, rain until Zim tried to will it to stop. It rained so long he thought he would pop. The time became late, which put him in a weary state. “I can’t sleep now, I might be captured by Dib, …that…creep *yawn*” Zim fell fast asleep

He awoke next morning to find the rain had stopped and a shadow was looming over him. He looked up and saw two human hands shooting straight towards him! He jumped out of the way and saw the hands’ owners: Dib. That filthy earthen bag of meat, Dib. He evilly smiled and said, “ I see that you have spent the night at Skool. Did you forget to bathe in paste or something you alien fool?” Zim, seething with anger, had a retort on his tongue’s tip. But Dib interrupted to continue his insulting lip:

“I suppose you think you will escape me again. Well, you won’t and I promise your capture to be riddled with pain. You see, I have been buying more from my comic book. Behold!” He held up a gun, or so it looked. “What you see here is an Alien Stun-Laser! It works a lot better than my handcuffs or my x-ray phaser. Instead of having to physically catch you, I need only take aim!” he smiled at Zim with a look of evil non-tame. He pulled the trigger and out rang a shot. But where the shot landed, Zim was not. “Zim!! Where’d you go? Wherever you’ve gone, I’ll hunt you down!” He said, his shirt beginning to frown. Zim, by then was halfway down the second block. He and Dib ran at the same speed, so his survival depended on the clock. It also depended on slickness and chicanery. He needed to avoid downright trickery. But Zim must’ve gone in a circle or something cuz he once again met up with Dib and his laser thing. “I’ve got you now!” he said with glee, and pulled the trigger; he missed! (even with his glasses it’s hard for him to see.) The shot hit a stop sign, china dolls that *were* perfectly aligned, someone’s plain metal mail box, a pair of smelly old socks, a dresser’s metal shelf, and finally himself! Before Zim left, he took Dib’s gun. It would be quite handy for self-defense (and fun ;-)

Thus Zim returned home after a harrowing night. And what he saw at home gave him a fright. Two human girls, quite giggly, partying with Gir! Seeing his master was back he saluted and called, “Hiya, sir! These two are my friends, Katrina and May! I invited them over this sunny day! Why don’t you come and enjoy the fun? Hey, that is one really cool gun.” Zim narrowed his eyes and said, “Why yes, this is quite a ‘cool’ gun. And with it, I think I might have some fun. Let’s do some target practice with it, Gir. And the target will be, oh, how about her?” He held the gun level with his head, and shot Katrina who fell as if she were dead. May screamed and hauled her k.o.ed friend out the door. Gir sadly said, “Now today will be a bore. Can I invite friends more?” Zim glared at the robot.

Quoth the alien, “Nevermore.”

I am the e-mail monster! You must e-mail me with comments or insults! Right now I’m just bored, so I’ll sing the doom song.

Doom, Doom, do-doom, doom, DOOM! Do-do-DOOOM!