UNIVERSAL CRISIS PART IV: PRISONERS IN THE DOGHOUSE

When we last left Zim and Dib, they were pinned down by FogDogs. Now the foul creatures have taken them back to their lair and have chained them down in an incredibly dark dungeon. Dib is chained by his feet, and Zim is chained by his arms. GIR is chained around the neck and is on the floor.

Zim (staring into the blackness): Well, they have us.

Dib: Yeah. I guess now we are goners. (Stares into the blackness again) But still, we learned something out of this.

Zim: Yeah, and what might THAT be?

Dib: We learned that dogs on Earth are adorable and obedient, whereas dogs in space are…

Zim: Pathetic. I still have that mark on my back where he bit me. Wonder why he did that? Did he want to extract our DNA or something like that? Or did he just want us to suffer more before we die down here?

Dib: SIGGHH…It only seems like you’ve been here ten minutes and the world goes black.

Zim: The world IS black, Dib, and the whole universe will be if we don’t bust out of here. (Pulls on one of the chains) Boy, are these tight…

GIR (looking at himself in a puddle and turning to Zim and Dib): I’m getting bored of listenin’ to you two talk. I’m getting a drink.

He unscrews his head, then throws slips the chain off his neck. Then he screws his head back on, being a robot. He turns to the other two.

GIR: Anythin’ you want, master?

Zim (glaring): Yes, two things. One, I want to strangle you. Two, get us out of this dump so we can save the universe.

GIR (In a singsong voice): Say the magic word!

Zim: No, GIR, now get us out of—

GIR (crossing his arms): I’m not getting you out of here till you say the magic word!

Zim (sarcastically): Okay, abracadabra. now bust us out of here!

GIR: I meant please.

Zim (with a disgusted look on his face): Ugh! Okay, PLEASE!

His shout echoes through the hall that leads to the dungeon, where two FogDog guards are asleep at their posts near the entrance. At hearing Zim’s shout, they spring up and whip around in all directions, snarling. Finally, one FogDog guard looks towards the door of the dungeon.

FogDog Guard 1#: Yo, do ya think that they’re escaping?

FogDog Guard 2# (snorts): Yeah, right. Those chains are meant to bind them, and bind them good. They can’t escape. Not even one Grand High Cat we captured 60 years ago could escape those!

FogDog Guard 1# (grinning): Haha, our finest moment.

FogDog Guard 2# (staring at the door to the dungeon): But they are pretty smart, I mean, they don’t look like Grand High Cats at all…uh…duh…

FogDog Guard 1#: You mean that they don’t look like Grand High Cats very much, right?

FogDog Guard 2#: Yeah! They might be crossbred or something like that. Crossbreeds are pretty muttish but are just as powerful. That metal one we dragged off… It was strange…

FogDog Guard 1#: That MENTAL one is more like it. That one was the stupidest crossbreed I have EVER seen!

FogDog Guard 2# (turning towards the door, with his eyes fixed on FogDog Guard 1#): Just in case, I’m checking. If you want to come with, we can torture them.

FogDog Guard 1#: Okay! Let’s do it!

The two FogDog Guards push open the door. A loud creaking sound is heard as they do this. They stare down into the blackness to see that Zim, Dib and GIR are free from their chains and are looking around alertly. The two Guards stare at each other, then at Zim, Dib and GIR, growl, and lunge. The first one lands on Zim, the other lands on Dib.

Dib (in surprise): GACK! Hey! What are you doing, you ugly galoots?

FogDog Guard 2# (in a snarling tone): That is the question we should ask YOU, crossbreed.

FogDog Guard 1#: Prepare to be vanquished!

Dib (eyes fixed on Zim and in a panicky tone): Zim I don’t like the sound of this.

Zim: Nether do I. Which means… (Draws his legs back) DEATH TO THE FOGDOG RACE!

On the last line, he kicks the FogDog in the ribs, sending it flying through the air and landing sprawled out on its back. It gets up, growls, then charges at Zim. Zim braces himself but then a meow-growl sound, in the same tone as Dib’s, overtakes him and he gets down on all fours, then lunges at the FogDog.

The FogDog raises its paws, and razor sharp, yellow-beige claws shoot out. They are about an inch long and are shiny.

FogDog Guard 1#: How do you like THIS, crossbreed! Let’s see you try to beat… (Raises his paw) THIS!

At his "This", he swipes at Zim. Zim meow-growls again and ducks under the blow. The FogDog raises up, then swipes again, this time striking lower. Zim snarls under his breath, then leaps up into the air, and, raising one foot, zips back down, kicking the FogDog in the head. The blow is extremely hard, and the FogDog wobbles around the room for a while, a dazed expression on its face, then its eyes close and it collapses. Zim gets back up and walks up to the still FogDog.

Zim (mumbling to himself): How do you like THIS, crossbreed… That was such a lame attempt… He’s probably never seen an Irken before…That’s his problem… He asked for it, too… The ugly creature… Hard to believe that their leader is powerful… Like him to meet Red or Purple… PTUI!

He spits on the dog, then sprints nimbly over to where Dib is sitting on top of a knocked-out FogDog. GIR is standing nearby.

Zim: I see your defeat was successful.

Dib (wiping blood off his face): Yeah, but the thing’s fangs barely missed me, I had to duck to avoid them… Then it struck me across the face with one of its claws, left a huge cut mark across my forehead…

Zim: Uh…Yeah.

Dib: So I hacked it off with my own, and it let out some kind of agony howl and I had that cat attack again and bit it in the ribs. (Shudders) UGH! It tasted like raw fish! I hope I never do that as long as I live!

Zim: You probably will. There’s a ton more where those two came from. (Looks up and sees a small iron-barred window) Unless…

Dib and GIR (at the same time): Unless what?

Zim (pointing to the window): Do you see that?

Dib (looking up): It’s a little hard to ignore.

Zim: Oh, shut up, filthy…I’m SO SICK OF…

Dib: Actually, there’s a 1 in 10 chance that we might get fond of each other after all this is over.

Zim (crossing his arms): That’s a big IF. (Turns back to the window) Anyway, I’m going to try to climb up.

Dib: THAT’S a big if. (In a mocking tone) Oh yeah, look, we have little suction cup thingies on our pads like little caterpillars. We’re cats, so that makes us caterpillars! Hahaha! Oh look, I’m gonna climb up that wall. Whoops! I slipped and broke all of my ribs! Oh well, there’s always time three months later after they heal! Hahaha!

Zim (shouting): SILENCE!

The others stop and stare at him. Zim then glares at them, hooks his claws into the crumbled mortar on the wall, and begins to climb up the wall. Dib and GIR watch as he slips through the bars, catlike.

GIR: Well done, master!

Dib (shouting up): You’re lucky you didn’t steal a bunch of organs when you tried this!

Zim (shouting from above): SHUT YOUR—(says something in cat language)—MOUTH! Besides, you’re next, COW!

Dib: Why you annoying slimy—

He climbs up the wall next. GIR, who has jet fuel, rockets up through the bars, his hands pressed against his chest like a cat when it leaps. He lands in front of Zim and Dib.

GIR: You two?

Zim and Dib (turning towards GIR): WHAT?

GIR: We aren’t gonna save the universe if you two are gonna fight. I member one saying in a book that master left on the desk that said—

Zim (finishing the sentence): United we Stand, Divided we Fall. (Turns to Dib) Well, it does have a point. You know, let’s call a truce… FOR NOW. After the universe is saved, we have to hate each other again. Got it?

Dib: I agree.

GIR (grinning): See? Now we can save the universe!

Zim: Yeah. Might as well start. (Turns to Dib) Where should we check?

Dib (pointing to a nearby waterfall): How about there?

Zim (uneasy): Dib… Are you trying to tell me something?

Dib: Uh… NO!

They get down on all fours and sprint towards the waterfall.

TO BE CONTINUED…