Starring in:

THE VORTEX

A Zim Action/Adventure/Mystery fanfic by

GRAND HIGH IDOL

Our story begins at the Skool. Miss Bitters is ranting again, as usual, Zim is drooling, and Dib is rolling his pencil across his desk. The other kids are just doing various things, like drawing doodles of kids playing baseball outdoors. Zim and Dib have been given detention for exploding a desk in chemistry class and are talking about it while Miss Bitters rants.

Zim (muttering to Dib): I still don’t believe her when she said that the tiles used to make that floor cost three hundred dollars. If they really did, why does she let everyone tread on them? She didn’t even care when Kevin—

Dib (finishing Zim’s sentence): —Stepped in dog doo and tracked it. We all know that.

His pencil rolls off his desk but he doesn’t notice it. Miss Bitters continues to rant in the background while Zim and Dib talk.

Zim: Detention for exploding a desk! Woof! (Leans back in his chair with one hand on his desk) She didn’t even NOTICE the desk! It was the crater she noticed!

Dib (leaning back): Yeah, we should’ve been given detention for making a hole in the floor.

Zim (looking at his desk): True.

Dib: I mean, geez, we just exploded a dumb desk! So what? It was like a time bomb! It HAD to blow up some time!

Zim: Yeah…

Scene switches to a flashback of Zim and Dib when the desk exploded, earlier in the day…

They are now in chemistry class. Their Chemistry teacher is at the front of the room, leaning on his desk and folding his hands together.

Chemistry teacher: …And so you will each be teamed up with the next person at your table. Miss Bitters will be at the back of the room, away from all of you, she said. You may begin…

Zim and Dib stare at the chemistry items and Dib is about to pick one up when the Chemistry teacher continues.

Chemistry teacher: … Right after I do a long rant about nuclear reactor cores—

Class: Awwwwww!

Zim (standing up and pointing at the Chemistry teacher): Don’t make me come up there!

Chemistry teacher (quickly): Aw heck with it. You may begin.

Class: WOOHOO!

They begin to work on their substances. Dib is measuring a green liquid into a glass when Zim finds a tube of toothpaste on the floor. He picks it up and stares at it, then grins.

Zim: Huh, look who left this on the ground! Who would brush their teeth here? Aw well, this is no use to me.

He tosses it over his shoulder, but, since his back is turned towards Dib, the toothpaste splashes into the nuclear substance. Dib stares at it, then sets it on the desk. It begins to glow a bright green.

Dib (backing away from it): I hate to think what’s coming now.

Scene switches to the Skool, which remains intact for a few seconds, then a green explosion shoots through the ceiling with a deafening impact.

Scene switches back to the classroom. The janitor is trying to rub the burn spots from the tile. Zim and Dib are covered in black dust, and the Chemistry teacher is dumbfounded.

Miss Bitters walks over to where the explosion had occurred. The desk has disintegrated and there is a large crater where the substance had exploded. She stares at the crater, then turns to Zim and Dib.

Miss Bitters (fiercely, pointing at the crater): What is the meaning of this?

Zim and Dib both stare at her for a moment, then Zim speaks up.

Zim: Man, you should’ve seen it! A huge gerbil just crashed up through the floor and—

Miss Bitters (cocking an eyebrow): I’ll bet.

Dib (hissing through clenched teeth to Zim): She’s not buying this…

Zim: Oh, come on, she’s got to!

Miss Bitters: Detention for exploding a desk and filthy lying.

Zim and Dib both groan.

Back to the classroom currently.

Zim: Well, whether the desk needed it or not, that’s the last time you’ll ever mix nuclear substance with Oral-B toothpaste.

Dib (pointing at himself): ME? (Points at Zim) You threw the toothpaste in!

Zim (pointing at Dib): But YOU were handling the nuclear substance!

Dib (pointing at Zim): Yeah, but YOU threw the toothpaste in!

Zim (pointing at Dib): But YOU were the one with the substance out where I could throw the toothpaste in!

Dib (pointing at Zim): But YOU decided to throw the toothpaste in anyway!

Zim (standing up and putting his hands on his desk in fury): OH, SHUT YOUR TRAP, YOU DA—

Miss Bitters: Zim, I am trying to teach the class about that you learn or die a painful death, and you are disturbing the silence of this class! Shut up now, because in thirty seconds I do not want to hear another WORD from you or YOU shall die a painful death!

Zim (slouching back into his seat): Whatever.

Then a visual picture flashes into his head and an electric charge shoots through his antennae. He rarely does this unless something was incredibly wrong.

He shakes his head, then straightens his wig and starts rolling his pencil across his desk, thinking.

Zim (muttering to himself): I need to get out of the Skool to find out. But I could only get out if I was sick or hurt… (Pauses, then grins) Hey, that would work!

He props his feet against the edge of his desk, then pushes off. The chair tips over and lands with a sickening THUD onto the floor. Everyone—even Miss Bitters—turn to look at Zim.

Zim: Owch! (Gets up and rubs the back of his head) I just tipped over on my chair! I think I just broke my neck!

Miss Bitters: Huh.

Dib (looking up from rolling pencils): You can’t break your neck by tipping over on your chair, Zim. The kids have done it tons of times.

Miss Bitters (pointing to the door): Nurse’s Office, Zim.

Dib (dropping his textbook in surprise): What?

Zim (jumping up): Whoo-hoo! Home free! I mean—(looks at Miss Bitters, who is glancing at him with one eyebrow raised) Oh man thanks. I won’t be able to hold my head straight for goodness knows how long.

He walks slowly out the door, then, when he is out of Miss Bitters’s sight, he breaks into a run and runs through the hallways and out the doors of the Skool. Then he stops. The sensing is stronger this time.

He runs even faster, nearly tripping over two dogs, an alley cat and a bicycle rack on the way. Then he screeches to a stop in front of his house, runs up the front walk and throws open the door. Then he notices something and turns.

The lawn gnomes aren’t moving either. They are completely still, and don’t fire as much as a single laser when a dog or a little kid who had kicked his ball over there runs in.

Zim (in thought): Why aren’t they working?

He enters the house, then closes the door, and turns around.

Zim (a horrified look on his face): Holy cow.

The whole house has been ripped to shreds, and the walls look like they have been struck with some sort of laser. But no one he knows has a laser, except—

Zim (annoyed): GIR! Have you been messing with the lasers again?

There is no answer, only silence. Zim slowly starts advancing into the next room.

Zim: GIR?

Zim walks through the rooms, which have been destroyed also, to the kitchen. He walks up to the toilet and leaps into it—and falls through three floors to the main lab, hitting the ground with yet another sickening THUD.

Zim: Oh, mannit! (Gets up) Who jinxed the elevator? (Looks up and sees the elevator missing) Or, in other words, who got RID of the elevator? Ah well, I can always-- HOLY HANNA!

The lab has been destroyed also. The computer is shattered, the wires have been snapped, and fluid is leaking onto the floor. In other words, everything is destroyed and beyond repair. The computer has the same laser scorch marks as everything else in the lab, plus the upper rooms.

Zim (angrily): Okay, GIR’s really let himself go this time! When I get my hands on him, I’ll— (glances across the lab) AUGH!

GIR is lying on the floor, near the smashed computer and fluid tanks. He has been beaten badly. There are scorch marks all over his body. Gasoline is leaking out of his head and joints, making a large puddle on the floor. One of his eyes has been cracked and shattered, and has gone out.

Zim slowly walks towards GIR until he is halfway away from him. GIR stirs, then turns his head towards Zim.

GIR (whispers): Come closer, master.

Zim walks closer to GIR until he is right beside him. GIR is weak but manages to put his hand onto Zim’s. Then he sighs.

GIR (hoarsely and quietly): There were too many. I was told to protect the lab…

He breathes heavily, and his eyes start to blink out, then with his last ounce of strength he manages to whisper:

GIR: forgive me, master. I tried.

Then his hand leaves Zim’s and falls limply onto the floor. His eyes blink out completely, and his head hangs limply to one side.

Zim: GIR?

There is no answer from GIR, only stillness and quiet. Zim picks up GIR and shakes him.

Zim (muttering): No, he can’t be… (Pleadingly, shaking him some more) Please GIR, please wake up!

GIR doesn’t respond.

Zim is both frightened and grieved at the same time. GIR had died trying to protect the lab, which was now smoldered and wrecked, just like the house. The reason of his fright, however, is WHAT could be strong and sly enough to sneak in, disable the lawn gnomes, kill GIR, and destroy the house? It has to be something powerful…

Zim (picking up GIR, in a dramatic tone): GIR, you heroic fool! My lab might be wrecked, but I know one more person that can maybe save you. Hang on… I’ll have you revived soon…

He leaves the house and runs towards Dib’s house, knowing that Dib’s dad is a professor and that he has a lab also.

Scene switches to Dib’s living room. Dib is reading a comic book (titled "Brain Suckers from Planet Nerd") when the doorbell rings. Gaz is playing her Game Slave next to him. Dib kicks her in the side without taking his eyes from his comic book.

Dib: Gaz, could you get the door?

Gaz (kicking Dib back): Get it yourself, Dib. I can’t pause this level. If I win this, I’ll be Game Champ.

Dib (rubbing his side): D’oh… Okay, you win.

Dib sets down his comic book and walks over to the door. He opened it and sees Zim, and is just about to tell him off when he sees the lifeless GIR.

Dib (gasps, pointing at GIR): What happened to him?

Zim: No time to explain. (Sighs) Dib, he’s dead.

Dib (cocking his eyebrow): Then why did you come to me?

Zim (seriously): Look, I need to use your lab to revive him.

Dib (really surprised): Are you kidding? My dad said never to—

Zim: He’ll remain dead if I don’t get him back! (Pleadingly) Please, Dib, please.

Dib (slightly surprised): Excuse me? Did you say ‘please’?

Zim (crossing his arms): What did you think I said?

Dib (leaning against the doorway): I thought I still had water in my ear from when you dunked me at the water fountain. You’re supposed to be HEARTLESS, Zim—

Zim (interrupting angrily): If I was, I wouldn’t be alive today! (Cools down) Dib, let me use your lab.

Dib (glancing at GIR): Well, he does look pretty bad. (Pauses, then speaks again) Okay, but you have to get out of here before dad sees you.

Zim: Thanks.

Dib (cocking his eyebrow again): Did you just say ‘thanks’?

Zim (warningly): You never heard a word from me, okay?

Dib (shrugging): Sure, whatever. I can never remember phrases five minutes after they’re spoken, but hey, what the heck.

Zim enters the house and runs toward the basement door, then slides it open, runs through the doorway, and then falls down the stairs. Dib has his back turned, and the scene is on Dib, but Zim is heard from the basement.

Zim (o/c, over loud thumps): Ooh! Ow! Ee! Ah! Dang! Rgh! Mannit! Yah!

Scene switches to Zim, who careens off the final stair and lands on his back, possibly hard. GIR lands next to him and the same time.

Scene switches to Dib, who turns to look back at the doorway. He sees Zim at the bottom of the stairs, lying on his back. GIR is lying next to him.

Dib: Graceful. (Turns away and walks away from the doorway, then a few seconds later sticks his head through the doorway again.) By the way, I was being sarcastic.

Zim (getting up and picking up GIR): Stupid dark basement. How the heck are you supposed to notice the stairs? Why doesn’t someone tell you about these things? (Looks up the stairs and shouts up) OR AT LEAST FLICK ON A LIGHT!

Dib (from upstairs): Do it yourself.

Zim (imitating Homer Simpson): D’oh.

Zim walks back up the stairs and flicks on the light, then walks back downstairs and sets GIR on a metal table, which bears strong resemblance to an operating table. Zim begins to work on GIR. His tongue is out in concentration as he mends GIR’s wires and provides new gasoline. When he finishes GIR, GIR still isn’t working.

Zim (scratching his head): Huh, he still isn’t working. I must’ve forgotten something, but what?

His glance then falls on GIR’s shattered eye.

Zim (slapping his face): Duh! Of course! I forgot glass!

He stares at GIR for a while. Yes, his eye can be repaired, but he needed some pretty strong glass to replace GIR’s eye.

Zim (pondering): Where can I get some glass…

Scene switches to Zim using a small laser gun to cut a hole in a glass window near Dib’s house. (The window is on a small gray house.) The glass falls on the ground but doesn’t shatter. Zim picks it up.

Zim (grinning): Perfect.

Scene switches again to Dib’s house. Zim is back in the lab, and Dib is still reading his comic book. Gaz is still trying to beat the last level on her Game Slave.

Then the doorbell rings o/c. Dib groans, gets up and walks over to the door. He opens it, and a man is standing there awkwardly. He is wearing a gray suit with an orange tie. (Er.)

Man (waving): Hello.

Dib: Um, hi. What do you want?

Man (grinning): I want to report that my glass window was cut by something too smooth to be a knife and in a perfect circle, small size. Do you know anything about this?

Dib (confused by the man’s smile): No, I don’t.

Man (STILL grinning): Very well. I shall try the next house then.

Dib: It’s just a window, you know.

Man: Yes, but don’t you see? That window was a lot of money and—(his voice suddenly goes evil, deep, and metallic)—I MUST KILL YOU!

Dib (jumps): What?

The man puts his hand on his head and starts to pull on his hair. After a while, his entire face comes off, revealing a robotic face; skull shaped and silver, with glowing red eyes. Dib stares at it for a moment, his eyes widening in terror.

The robot brings up its fist and holds it above his head.

Robot: I MUST DESTROY ALL EARTH DWELLERS!

Dib: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

He slams the door just as the robot brings its fist down, causing it to smash through the door, narrowly missing Dib. Dib, panting, runs into the living room. GIR, fully renewed, is sitting on the couch, eating a bag of chips. Zim is sitting next to him, and Gaz is still playing her Game Slave. All three turn up when Dib arrives.

Gaz: What sort of freaky thing have you been doing this time?

Dib (still panting): Evil—destructor—robot—outside—our house—

He points towards the door, which has a huge hole in it from where the robot smashed it. GIR looks at it, then takes another handful of chips and crunches on them.

GIR: Who smashed a hole in your house?

Dib (regaining breath): You never listen, do you?

GIR: What you say?

Dib: I rest my case.

GIR (holding up the bag of chips): You want chips?

Dib: No.

GIR: Why not?

Dib: Because I can’t eat when there’s a robot trying to kill me outside my house!

GIR (shrugging): All the more for me.

He begins to crunch on the chips again. Zim stands up and faces Dib.

Zim: You saw a destructor robot?

Dib (nodding): Yeah. Right outside the door. He had disguised himself as the man from next door. I mean, I was freaked out when he pulled his mask off. And I was even more freaked when he tried to punch me. And I’m thinking, ‘Et Tu, evil robot?’

Zim (leaning against the wall): You mean old man Jigs? It disguised itself as him?

Dib nods.

Zim: I’d be creeped even if it wasn’t an evil destructor robot.

Dib: You make your point on that one. Did you see what he did to the kid who ran into his yard to go into his private swimming pool?

Zim (nodding): Yeah. (Ponders) I wonder if they ever did sew his arm back on.

Dib: He’s the only one on our block I know who has a machine gun.

Zim (looking out the window): With all this going on, I wonder how you humans lived long enough to invent the wheel.

Gaz: Shut up, will you?

GIR: I like chips! Corn chips!

Zim: Well, if there’s one robot here, there might be more. They might be here to wipe out everyone on the Earth, but what the heck do I know about this stuff?

GIR (hearing this): I’m gonna sing the Doom Song now. Doom dee doom doom dee doom doom…

Dib (annoyed, covering his ears): Will someone shut that thing up?

Zim (annoyed, staring at GIR): He only shuts up if you give him something.

Dib: Like what?

Zim: Like those disgusting Brain Freezies.

Dib: Shut up! I like those!

Zim: They knock me unconscious.

Gaz (not taking her eyes from her Game Slave): That’s one of the many reasons not to like them.

GIR (looking up): Brain Freezie? YAY!

Zim: Yes, you can have one after we save the world.

GIR: Cool!

Dib: Wait a minute. After WE save the world?

Zim (smirking): Of course. I can’t do this by myself, you know.

Gaz (looking out the window): Your plans are going to be cut short. Dad’s car is pulling up.

Zim: Yah! (Runs towards the basement) Tell me when it’s safe!

Dib grabs GIR and throws him down the stairs just as Professor Membrane enters the house. Dib slams the basement door. Gaz ignores everything and continues to play her Game Slave.

Dib: Hello, Dad. (Glances up at the clock) Yow, you’re home early.

Professor Membrane: Yes, I decided to do some work in the lab…

Dib presses tighter against the basement door, his teeth clenched in fear.

Professor Membrane (the same evil, deep and metallic voice as the destructor robot had): …Then I’m going to KILL YOU!

He then pulls off his face, which is actually a mask, revealing the same skull-like face as the first robot. Dib screams in terror, then opens the basement door, runs through it, then slams it. Zim and GIR are waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

Zim: I can tell it’s not safe.

Dib (through clenched teeth, dripping cold sweat): It sure isn’t.

GIR (looking at them): What about the girl?

A pause, then…

Gaz’s voice (o/c): Yah! Stay back! (Clattering of chairs) Do you hear me? (Footsteps) That’s it. You are NOT my dad!

The basement door then opens, and Gaz comes running down the stairs. She stops in front of the other three.

Gaz: Dib, what’s with the destructive robot?

Dib: I don’t know. (Looks up the stairs) All I know is that there’s something weird going on here. And it’s not the cafeteria food.

Zim (pondering): Just as I suspected. The humans have been abducted and replaced with destruction robots. (Pauses) Man, why didn’t I think of that?

Dib: How did they know a plan like that was going to work?

Zim: Well, how can you tell a robot in a disguise apart from a human in real form?

Dib (thinking): True…

Zim: I rest my case. We need to find out what’s behind this.

GIR: Yay! We’re gonna save the world again!

Gaz (shrugging): Well, it beats being terrorized by a destructive robot.

Zim (walking towards Dib’s computer): I need to abort this.

Dib (confused): Why the heck do you need to do that?

Zim: To contact the Almighty Tallest. This shouldn’t take more then a second…

Dib: For nuts! You’re going to send your leaders into the destruction too?

Zim: Heck no. I just need to tell them.

Dib: Why?

Zim: That’s one of the many questions they never ask in the movies. (Begins to work on the computer) Help me straighten this wire…

GIR: Brain Freezie…

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART TWO