Chapter Two: Skool Daze
By: Cartman’s Girl
Hint from me: It is best if you guys read ‘Shovels Make Lousy Back Scratchers’ before reading this, for that introduces Cten and BEK. So to save confusion on your part, read it first. Thank you.
The shadows on the walls were moving again, morphing from their usual plain states into hideously wretched forms. Lightning flashed, sending shocks of light through the room, nothing was visible to the light then, but as soon as it died out the shadows remained. Looming…
Then Dib smelt it. A hideous smell, kinda like a mixture of bad gas and bad breath rolled into one. The stench was awful, and it made his eyes water. Even though his eyes were watering like a fountain, he had to try to see what was causing his body such irritation.
Another flash of lightning, he saw it for a split second.
A figure stood across the room from him, a being all too familiar to Dib but yet it was different in a big way.
Big, as in Zim was now five times his normal height, and more ugly then ever before. Dib didn’t see all of him, but Zim’s teeth were razor sharp now, and his eyes were blood red.
Dib didn’t waste any time. He did what any other smart human would do in a situation like this.
But even without looking back, he knew Zim was following him. One thing that gave it away, was the fact he could hear the clinking of Zim’s spider legs following him, and the stench of Zim’s probably bad breath was still as strong as ever.
"SOMEBODY HELP MEEE!!" Dib wailed as he turned a sharp corner and kept going, he dared to glance back. As he did a huge, now black and sharp spider leg was appearing behind him. Dib looked forward and skidded to a halt.
"…where’d this wall come from?" he asked himself, but turned around as he heard soft sniggering from behind him.
There stood Zim, with huge black, thick and powerful spider legs holding his already huge form up, towering over Dib. His antennae were as sharp as ever, held back, and his blood shot eyes had the reflection of Dib in them. Zim’s mouth slowly turned from a grin to a laugh, and then Dib saw it.
Zim’s tongue was a snake! Not just any snake, but a thick, highly poisonous snake! As Zim laughed hysterically the snake winded it’s way from Zim’s mouth and was soon face to face with Dib.
"Hot sssshot huh?" the snake hissed at Dib, and before Dib could reply, the snake shot at him and dug it’s long teeth into his arm.
"ARRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Dib sat up in bed, sweating like he had just run a thousand mile run. He groped for his glasses on his nightstand, and put them on. Quickly he looked around his room.
No storm, no scary shadows, and no monstrous Zim after him. He sighed and laid back in his bed.
"Man… I really need to see a therapist." He muttered to himself.
"Look Cten! Valentines Day is approaching!"
Zim had walked into the kitchen that morning, after awaking from a usual dream-less state. Cten was stood in the kitchen, looking out the window. She looked back at him.
"What’s Valentines Day?" she asked,
"Well, I’m not sure myself but it seems to focus on human emotions, such as love and comfort." Zim strode up to her and handed her the calendar he was holding. The image of the month was all sappy and lovey like.
"…this is love?" she asked, pointing to the image.
"Human love, yes." Zim replied, nipping it back from her, and putting it on the bench. "I’ve taken into account how different humans show love to us Irkens." He added.
"No biting?" Cten asked as she flipped through the calendar images.
"No biting or bringing dead offerings or anything! It’s pitiful. They give them sugared treats and things made of card." Zim exclaimed.
"When you said the human race we weird, I didn’t think they were THIS weird." Cten said as she was staring at the December image of a snowman.
"That’s not the half of it, Cten! Come. I’m assigning you your costume you are to wear when off this base." Zim marched from the room, Cten following after him.
Cten was now sat on what Zim called a beanie-baby, in all honesty it was a bean-bag, awaiting Zim’s return. BEK was stood besides her, resting. Zim then entered the room, a suitcase in hand. He dropped it on the ground and opened it, from it he pulled out a blonde wig, full of curls.
"This is your wig." Zim claimed, then he dropped it upon Cten’s head, and topped it off with a straw hat.
"And this is to make sure it doesn’t blow off." He added.
Cten didn’t need to even look at herself to know she looked ridiculous. But then Zim pulled out what she’d wear. Those who are familiar with Sailor Moon would know this outfit, the blue pleated skirt, white top with the sailor-like neck thingie.
"This is your costume wear." Zim said.
"I am not wearing that." Cten said sternly, a frown on her face.
"Look Cten, humans naturally view little girls as innocent things. Wearing what they call ‘cute’ clothes, adds to the innocence! They’d never suspect such a cute little girl to be an evil alien sent from a distant planet! You will wear it, for I have no other female clothing." Zim handed her the dress.
"…great." Cten muttered.
"As for YOU, SIR." Zim turned to BEK, who sparked to life again.
"Yes sir?" BEK asked.
"Here is your costume." Zim pulled a cat costume, orange with black stripes. Unlike GIR’s, this one had a button instead of a zipper. "You’ll wear this when the front door opens, and when you are off the base." Zim handed her the costume.
"Yes sir!" BEK claimed, and instantly dressed up in it.
The two Irks, now in their human disguises were making their way down the street.
"Now you are to attend Skool. It makes you seem more human like." Zim explained as they crossed the street, barely being crushed by a speeding car.
"So I’ll have to interact with human larva?" Cten asked, pulling the blue skirt lower down for she felt uncomfortable revealing her legs, then folded her arms for the same reason.
"Yes. But don’t worry, majority speaking they’re all spooty-heads and deserve to be ruled by the Mighty Tallest." Zim replied.
Soon the Skool was in full view, and Cten was taken back at how many children there was. Many of them watched as Zim lead her up the stairs, and through the open doors.
"Do we have to sign in, like in Boot Camp?" Cten asked, she had heard the guards talking about Boot Camp, and how they had to sign in first thing in the mornings and last thing at night. Zim shuddered a bit, obviously he had been in Boot Camp and he didn’t enjoy it.
"Ee. No. I just turned up when I arrived. It’ll work for you. Don’t worry Cten, they can sense fear, these humans." Zim said to her.
By now they were walking through the hallways, Zim stopped at his locker and opened it. Inside was a lot of gadgets no one would suspect to find in a school child’s locker, well this wasn’t a child’s was it? Anyway, Zim opened his back pod and got out a book and put it into his locker, and removed another book. He turned to Cten as he shut the door.
"We have to take stupid notes of Ms. Bitter’s rants of doom and demise Monday mornings." Zim explained, and lead her through the teaming mass of children.
"Look… she’s got green skin!"
"Hawhaw, if there’s a big breeze we’ll see up her skirt."
These whispers and many others like them could be heard by Cten as she made her way through the hallways. Soon the skool bell rang, and all the students entered their room. Zim told Cten to wait outside in the hallway, until he returned. Zim marched into the classroom and up to Ms. Bitters’ desk.
"Sir!" he declared, getting her attention.
"What is it Zim?" she snarled, she didn’t like Monday mornings. Come to think of it, she didn’t like any mornings.
"I am here to report that another child is to add to the numbers of this classroom." Zed exclaimed. This got the classes attention, particularly Dib’s.
"Really. Well let the rat in." Ms. Bitters said, not sounding very interested.
"Yes sir!" Zim replied, he turned on his heels and went to the door.
Seeing thing from Zina’s (the girl sat behind Zim) point of view, Zim opens the door and talks through to someone outside. There’s a pause, and Zim talks again. Finally he slams the door open and dragged in a girl, much his height and had the same green complexion. What she wore was a fashion nightmare tho.
Zim dragged Cten up to the middle of the front of the class, and turned to the class, but addressed Ms. Bitters.
"This is Cten." He declared, "Class say hello NOW!" he barked.
Some students made feeble attempts of saying hello, one snored.
"So, Cten. How do you and Zim know each other?" Ms. Bitters asked, glad that there was something to post-pone her talk on World War Three.
"Uh.. I… ah…." Cten mumbled something, so Zim took over.
"We are both suffering from the same green skin disease thingie. There’s party… stuff that happens once a year and I met her there. Yes that’s it." Zim was happy at how he had thought it up so quickly. One boy, up the back called out,
"Ooo Zim’s got a girlfriend!"
This sparked a big reaction, all the kids, minus Dib and Ms. Bitters, burst into hysterics and made lovey dovey noises at Zim and Cten, who looked as confused as anyone.
"SILENCE!" Ms. Bitters suddenly screeched, the whole class fell quiet. She turned to Cten, "Now, Cten. Take the desk behind the big headed boy." Ms. Bitters pointed to Dib, the boy sat behind him looked confused.
"Uh, Ms. Bitters?" he asked.
"What do you want?" she snarled back,
"…I’m sitting here." He replied. Ms. Bitters looked him over.
"Why it seems you are. James, you’re expelled. Get out."
James burst into tears and left running from the room, slamming the door behind him. Ms. Bitters turned to Cten.
"Take the seat." She snapped. Cten nodded and walked past Dib, and sat behind him.
"She was right, he has got a big head." She thought, since the view of the back of Dib’s head sure was big.
"But Ms. Bitters! Aren’t the PARENTS of children meant to enrol them first?" Dib asked, raising a hand. "The same thing happened with Zim, and we all know he’s an alien scum!"
"LIAR!" Zim screeched at him from his place across the room.
"Don’t start with that alien stuff again." Mary chimed up, from sitting across from Cten. "That’s all stupid stuff!"
Dib turned in his chair, and locked eyes with Cten’s now blue human-like eyes. He frowned and pointed his finger at her.
"I’m onto you, you alien scum." With that he turned around and didn’t look back again. Cten sat in her chair, and blinked a few times. She had a funny feeling in her squeedly spooch, something she hadn’t felt before. It had clicked as Dib had turned and pointed to her, but kept up all through out the classroom. She held her squeedly spooch with her hands, looking quite confused throughout the lecture about how World War Three would destroy them all because of all the hidden bombs and what not.
Cten found herself dozing a bit, her eyes half shut. The rest of the class seemed like a blur of doom, more doom, and a hint of doom s’more. Soon the skool bell rang, and the children filed out the room. Zim walked over to Cten and poked her awake.
"Hey! Wake up! We’re gonna be late for lunch." Zim said, Cten rubbed her eyes.
"Oh, oh right." She hopped from her chair and walked after Zim from the room.
"Now this place is just as bad as the classroom, even worse, there’s the chance of flying food hitting you up the head." Zim explained as they walked past the lockers.
"Food flies here?" Cten asked, passing a locker where muffled voices were coming from.
"Only when thrown, any one can throw it. So watch your back." Zim replied, and swung the lunch doors open, revealing the filled lunch room. "Behold Cten! The lunch room!"
Cten glanced at the whole area, isle upon isle of human larva eating mushy stuff.
"Ah, Ketchup and Rice day. You’re in for a treat, if you dare eat it." Zim said as he lead her to the food line, grabbing a tray.
"There the are…" Dib was sat at his normal table, besides his sister Gaz who was slurping a juice box.
"What?" Gaz asked, but her voice shown she didn’t care at all.
"Zim and Cten. Little bag of death now sits behind me in class." Dib replied, pointing to Cten who was now looking disgusted by what was splattered onto her tray. Gaz glanced over at her.
"Probably like sitting behind the moon." Gaz said, basically taking a jab at Dib’s big head.
"My head isn’t big Gaz, all right?" Dib had caught the insult pretty quickly. He then felt impact of something hitting the back of his head, he put his hand to the back, to find a spit wad. He turned around and glared at whoever sat behind him, but the chance of him finding who had done it was a one to a million chance.
Meanwhile, at their table, the two aliens sat across from each other. Zim didn’t show any interest in his food, since he never dared eat skool food even if the chance of becoming ruler of Earth counted on it. Cten was poking at the rice and ketchup, looking sickened.
"You have to eat this?" she asked, and swore she saw something move on her plate.
"If you want an early death, go right ahead." Zim replied, then looked over the hall and spotted Dib wiping the back of his head. He smirked. "Ah, spit wads… the guns amongst the kiddies."
"What?" Cten looked over at Dib, I mean, how could she miss a head that size?
"Spit wads, here." Zim ripped a piece of his napkin off, rolled it into a ball and spat on it, making it firmer. He then picked up the milk straw, put the ball into his mouth, held the straw to his mouth and points it at Mary, who was sat a few seats down. He took a deep breath, and blew.
"Ahh! Spit wad!! Sick!!" Mary’s screeches filled the hall, and Zim chuckled to himself. Cten blinked and looked at Zim with an eyebrow raised.
"That looks weird."
"Well better then having rice ‘n ketchup thrown at you!"
The lunch room continued, slowly and seemed to last forever to Cten. But, she just couldn’t help from glancing to Dib now and again. She raised her eyebrows at him, but her attention was diverted because her wig was rather itchy against her bald green head. She scratched her head, and then she heard it.
The next thing anyone knew, food was thrown from any possible direction! The rice ‘n ketchup, milk, candy, chips, a watermelon, a fig, a bird… anything edible seemed to soar through the air at lightning speed, hitting any target that dare get in it’s way. Zim grabbed Cten’s hand,
"Hurry Cten! Get to cover before-" but before Zim could finish his sentence, something big, a watermelon, crashed right into his face, causing him to fall back into a yucky, sticky and runny pile of watermelon goo. Cten gasped and knelt down besides Zim, his eyes now shut and pretty much covered in goo.
"Zim! No!! You can’t die! We’ve got to over throw this planet then you can die! Don’t DIE!!" Cten threw her arms around Zim’s neck and wailed hysterically.
"Let go of me, Cten."
"ZIM! You live!" Cten hugged him again, and he sat up, putting his hands to his eyes as the food continued to be thrown around like bullets.
"Cten.. my contacts! They’re broken!" Zim opened his eyes, the shards of the contacts falling into his hands, revealing his red eyes.
"Uh-oh! Do you have spares?" Cten asked, glancing around as a pie nearly missed her head.
"I didn’t pack any! They’re in my locker! But I’ve got to get past Dib, and if he sees me I’ll be doomed!… Cten!" Zim turned to Cten who was about to stick a pie covered finger into her mouth, "Distract the Dib!"
Cten scrambled to her feet and ran through the food throwing frenzy, until she had reached Dib who was ducking from food being thrown at his table.
"Dib!" Cten called to him, and finally arrived besides him.
"What do YOU want alien freak?" Dib asked as he glared at her, a fork whizzing past them.
"I.. I… uhh…" Cten paused, Zim was counting on her to avert Dib’s attention from Zim. Then her mind flashed back to the night before, when GIR was showing her and BEK what TV did. She saw two humans go mouth to mouth and make mumbling sounds. Seemed like a good idea to use this to avert Dib’s attention as any.
"Well?" Dib was getting annoyed, his eyes trailing back to Zim, who was hiding his face from view.
"Well, this!" Cten then grabbed Dib’s head, brought it to hers and planted a big, ole’ wet smooch to the mouth. Needless to say, both Dib and Zim were shocked at this.
"Good grief! She’s trying to ram her ova-repositor down my throat and lay her eggs in my chest!!" Dib’s mind screamed loudly, and at this chance, Zim raced past the two, but stopped at the door and looked back.
"…Cten’s taking her job more seriously then I thought… oh well!" Zim vanished outside the door. Seeing Zim gone, Cten thus released Dib from her alien smooch and ran off out of the cafeteria hall.
Dib just stood there, a little more speechless then before and put his hands to his mouth. There was a moment’s pause.
"I COULD BE CARRYING EGGS!!! OUT OF MY WAY!!" Dib thus ran screaming from the lunch room, and vanished into the hall ways.
To be continued, yet again!
Don’t worry, more happens soon! You’ve yet to see recess!